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Sully
As Vikings are apt to do, the Mighty Viking took my woman Scarlett Jo. I hope he enjoys the rash.
So while nursing a hangover I surfed Internet porn thinking long and hard. Who else chubs my nub in the most primal of ways? Then it came to me...
The Viking mentioned the Marily Monroe of our generation. So I will see your MM and raise you Double D's on par with Ann Margaret. My woman is a redhead, she's got huge milky white blouse bunnies and ambiguous morals.
And the coup de grace, she married a dude that gives the rest of us hope:
I mean, look at this douche, he looks like Booger from Revenge of the Nerds, only his less photogenic brother!! So a hot chick willing to marry a guy who looks like a reject from a Tim Burton film obviously has self esteem issues or is generally nice and only cares about what is on the inside. His insides are probably filled with a billion dollar trust fund. Either way it gives me preternatural hope that that one day I could be the shlub to quote Roger Sterling, “roam those hillsides."
Now as a side note:
I chose Mrs. Booger’s Brother before the Esquire article was brought to my attention, and it just goes to prove, I am the Mel Kiper of hot bitch talent.